So, today I attended the Outpatients for what will hopefully be my last ever Mammogram as part of my screening! Last night was a terrible night sleep wise... emotions were running high as I seemed to have read a few stories lately of women who have had a Breast Cancer diagnosis following their last screening prior to prophylactic surgery. I don't even think I will feel confident that everything is clear until I have the little ladies operated on! Luckily I have fantastic support from my Mum, who came with me. So how is it that I have had moments of utter despair and have felt the need to hold back the tears today on more than one occasion? I know this doesn't come from being unsure of the decision I have made, of this I am 100% sure! I'm sure it isn't that I will miss the Mammograms! (Who would? Bloody uncomfortable procedure that it is!) So what is it? Why do I feel so God damn emotional?!! Is it because I have actually started on the road to what will hopefully be the beginning of the end for me and my BRCA friend? Is it because I have started the final countdown to ridding myself of this high risk of the disease which has affected my family and so many of my BRCA friends? I just don’t know?
Maybe it’s because today has been all about my little ladies, with which I kind of feel I’m distancing myself from, emotionally, just lately. Now, this, coming from me who once (not so long) said, and I quote, “One of the reasons I don’t want surgery is because I love my boobs”! You see, along with the Mammogram, I have had 2 phonecalls from my GP’s secretary to tell me that they have heard from the surgeon I chose, and that he is moving to London (This I already knew but didn’t mention it to the Dr as I thought she may be reluctant to refer me), so if I still wanted to be referred, would I be prepared to travel to London for the surgery? ...Hell yeah! Then she called me back to tell me that they had relayed this information to the surgeon’s secretary and she will deal with it tomorrow, and sort a date out.
Gosh, I hope it doesn’t move this quick for surgery! Although I’m sure of my decision, I’ve too many things to do before I combat that! The major one being I don’t want it just yet! Is that wrong? I imagine alot of women, once they have made up their mind to undergo this huge operation, just want it over and done with?! Not me, I’m kind of hoping that I can choose to have it done later in the year.
And so, this brings the end of the day...tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, until I receive that little brown envelope taped at the flap, I shall await the results of my Mammogram, while also waiting in anticipation for an appointment with the surgeon. And so, let the waiting game commence...