Friday, 4 May 2012
Well, here it is - Long overdue, long awaited, an updated blog! Well, what a time it's been! It's fair to say I may have neglected this over the last couple of months. But believe me when say, there's been a whole heap of stuff going on in the backgound! Firstly I need to mention that the support groups for the National Hereditary Breast Cancer Helpline that I have been helping with have been going marvellously! I have already been to 3 and have another 2 planned, these are held in Wilmslow, Cheshire and Lichfield so if you would like any more information, please comment and I will let you know the details. I also hope to attend a Hereditary Breast Cancer Awareness event in Leicester next month, which I'm really looking forward to which will raise the profile of the helpline and the work we do.
So, what else has been going on?...Oh yes - I have FINALLY received an appointment to see the consultant regarding my impending Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy (which will, from hereonin be referred to as PBM to save typing it!) and immediate reconstruction (which will, from hereonin be referred to as RECON to save typing that too!) I have only waited 5 months for it - but considering that during that time, the surgeon has relocated, and so has my own G.P, I guess it's not THAT bad!
I guess it's only fair to write how I'm feeling - Feelings description - hmmm... Not too sure about this at the moment! After my GP called me to say I had an appointment, I was, I must say very grateful at first. The relief of the waiting game being finally over, for me, was a huge weight off. However, for the last few hours I have felt quite emotional! My first reaction following the call, bearing in mind I had to shoot straight into the car to pick my mum up from the train station, was to hold a boob! I can't even remember what I was thinking! I guess, "That's it, you ARE actually going! Soon my fear that you WILL bring Cancer to me will disappear!" I wish I could explain to those of you reading this the exact thoughts and feelings that come with such a day, I imagine you may sympathise! But the truth is, only those reading this who have actually been through it will empathise.
People have commented that I am "brave", as much as I appreciate any comment I receive, I do not think I am brave atall! Soldiers of the British Army are brave, true war heroes, my Grandad, my brother. People who actually face Cancer - My Aunty, My Mum!
So, tonight, I have been sitting here, in my living room, feeling altogether emotional! It was like any other Friday night... my boyfriend having a strum on his guitar...and that was it! But boy, the tears did start a'comin! I think the reality of what is actually happening, suddenly hit me. So, I went outside, had a few tears, alone, and returned...ready to take it on! Gosh, this really sounds all very "Woe is me!"...That is really not how I want it to sound atall, but I suppose as I am just starting this journey, you have to learn to take the rough with the smooth, maybe today is my bit of rough.
Lots of Love