Sunday 24 November 2013

Post-Swap-Op...

Gosh, I don't quite know how to start this...I feel so guilty for leaving it for so long knowing that so many people take comfort from reading it! I have to confess, over the last 6 months, I have started, probably about 4 blog posts which ended up getting saved in my drafts and went unpublished for one reason or another. So now, as I am recovering from what will hopefully be my penultimate surgical experience thanks to BRCA, I will write...

All in all I had 3 expansions, the first one was quite painful, the second one I dosed up on painkillers prior to my appointment so was bearable, the third was ok on the day but was painful and uncomfortable for about 6 weeks after!

So 6 days ago I went into hospital for the operation to swap my expander implants to permanent ones. I thank God for my amazing surgeon and feel so lucky to have him work his magic on me! I am really pleased with the result, and although I am still sore and get tired easily I am glad it's all over and am doing so so much better than I was at this point after my mastectomy!  But I don't know what it is about having this gene and the subsequent surgeries to reduce the risk of getting these damn cancers, but even though I have put myself through all this, the worrying never stops! That, I have to say is bloody annoying! I better explain...

About 6 weeks or so ago, I noticed a tiny pea-sized lump underneath the areola, (you may recall my surgeon removed my nipple during the mastectomy but left my areola).  I called the hospital and an appointment was arranged for me to have it checked out. So I went for an ultrasound scan and was really relieved to find that they thought it was just scar tissue, however my surgeon said he would take more of a look when he performed the swap.  I reminded him on when it was op day, and woke to find he had removed it. He said that it appeared to be a stitch which had become encased in scar tissue but he has sent it off for testing anyway.  So there you have it, the worrying doesn't stop! Maybe it will eventually? I hope so!

How am I feeling now? At this particular moment in time, a bit fed up, sorry for myself, upset.  I am terrible at recovering from operations. And yes, this one is a hell of a lot easier than the last one, granted, but I still feel like shit. I think because I don't feel as bad as last time, it is even more frustrating that I can't do what I want to do without feeling it! For example, yesterday, Andy and I went out to do a spot of Christmas shopping.  We were out for most of the day, and he ended up like a packhorse by the time we made it back to the car, bless him. Then I had to go down to mums to have her change my dressing for me, (my wound seems to be doing a spot of weeping!). So while I was at mum's, Andy cooked tea. While I was eating it, I was sick, then felt bloody awful! It was obvious that it was because I had perhaps pushed myself too far during the day and done too much, even though all I actually did was walk around!...So frustrating!  

So, I am writing this from my bed as I am having a "nothing" day today. Although I really feel tempted to take a trip to Argos, (well, ask Andy to drive me there!) to treat myself to a tablet, not an oral tablet, God knows I've had enough of those this last year! You know, one of those like an iPad but not iPad price!.

Oh before I go, I must tell you about trying to change my dressings myself.  So as I said one has been weeping a bit, and I thought it would be best to try and see by how much and change them daily. The first time I went to change it, bearing in mind, I am allergic to Micropore so have been given Tegaderm, I was completely floored! As I started pulling the dressing off, I was ok, but then I got to the part of my breast where there is no sensation, (there are these patches on both sides), and the feel of the dressing being pulled and the sound did not match what my breast was feeling, because of course it was feeling nothing! This knocked me completely sick and I spent the next 20 minutes doubled over the toilet crying my eyes out! I have since managed to do it myself without completely losing it, but only this morning. And I still have to pause at the point my breast loses sensitivity, take a deep breath and try not to think about it too much!

I have probably missed so much out, but thought If I don't update now, I never will! Maybe one day I will publish my drafts...