Monday, 4 May 2015

I'm back baby! YEAH!

OMG! I'm back! I am so so sorry I have been absent for such a long time...I changed my laptop and couldn't bloody log in! Which is a massive disappointment as so much has happened since my last post Where to begin, hmmmm.

Well, I still haven't finished my reconstruction. My wonderful surgeon (Prof Andy Baildam) who started my reconstruction sadly retired from the NHS before doing my next step. We had planned that he was going to do some fat grating which involved taking some fat from my stomach (fill your boots Boss, there's plenty to go at!) and injecting it into my boobs to make them "rounder" and do nipple reconstruction at the same time so obviously that has been on hold until I found a new surgeon. They offered me his replacement surgeon but I thought, as I'm travelling all the way down to London to see a surgeon I don't know, I may as well get referred to my local hospital...whada mistaka to maka! My appointment at my local hospital was on the 6th September 2014. So mum and I went along hoping to meet my new surgeon who would hopefully be up for doing the same procedure as my old wrong can one be?! As we walked in he said "I don't know why you're here, I can guarantee I almost certainly WON'T be performing any surgery on you, I'm a Skin Cancer specialist"! WTF?! So, as I sat there in disbelief he promised he would "Push it through" so that I would get an appointment pronto with the surgeon I should have been seeing...8 months later, I'm STILL waiting! I gave up on that idea and instead looked elsewhere and from very good recommendations have chosen a different surgeon down in Cornwall (Iain Brown). So off I went down to the Sunny South to meet him. He is bloody marvellous and it fills me with great confidence to know that he was mentored by my original surgeon so knows exactly how Prof would have operated on me. So the plan now is to have fat grafting done on 4th June. He's going to leave nipple recon until the very last thing...Icing on the cake as it were! He has suggested removing my areola which may also make a difference to the shape. Twelve months ago this would have gone against everything I would have wanted, but now, I am willing to do anything to get a better shape! I hope people don't think this is a petty, vain outlook but believe me, when you're a woman who can't wear "normal" bras (they are too baggy at the front due to the non-shape), still in padded Belvira bras, 30 months after my mastectomy, I think I'm entitled!!  

So that's about where we're at boob-wise. Elsewhere it's been a rollercoaster to say the least! My relationship ended, but don't feel sorry for me. It's for the best! At least now I can concentrate on getting myself right without feeling guilty about how it's affecting someone else!

Oh and I got myself a hobby, changed my spare bedroom into a craft room. Sometimes I just need to do and think about something not BRCA or boob orientated! (Although I did have to make the glass in the picture :-) ) So I'm doing some card making and personalising glasses and anything else I can teach myself! (Or that my good friend Kim can teach me!). Sometimes you just need a distraction!

I have recently had 2 friends diagnosed with Breast Cancer...f*****g s**t! And last night I watched "The "C" Word" on BBC1 about fellow blogger and BRCA babe Lisa Lynch. What an emotional story, superbly played by the wonderful Sheridan Smith. So many points in her story upset me and brought memories flooding back. Although I haven't had Cancer, my mum has...twice. And watching how Lisa's family supported her brought back a lot of emotion from watching my mum endure the journey to battle BC. Then seeing her post-surgery reminded me of my own feelings post-surgery, from not wanting to see when they removed the dressings, to not being able to get out of the bath (luckily mum was at hand to help me out of it, although we did think at one point we'd have to call the fire service!). I cried all the way through, she was a remarkable lady and I salute her for her ghung-ho get the "BULLSHIT" attitude. She inspired me to try again to get back into my blog account (successfully, obviously) as I have been locked out of it for so long. I shared her pleasure at the prospect of people taking the time to read and even comment, as knowing that it may have helped just one person makes everything worth while.

This year is a big year for us in the family, my gorgeous boy turned 16, next week mum celebrates her 60th Birthday (We're heading away for a girly weekend with friends, can't wait!). In July I will celebrate my 40th birthday, it is exactly 10 years this year that we both tested positive for BRCA1 and 10 years from Mum's first BC diagnosis and 5 years since her last! So we've a lot to be thankful for. I love my family, and I love my life...even with tits/non-tits. :-) xxx

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